Here's the thing: I don't know that I want the written and recorded trails to be any particular way. The documentation is a reflection of whatever was happening on each day. So I suppose the written and recorded are as I want them to be, just as they are. Looking back over some of the recent documentation, what I am struck by is not how my artistic process or product has been affected - though perhaps those things have been affected. Instead, what I notice is how overall, doing this practice has increased my happiness. I'm not sure exactly how. I think it has to do with exercising some creative muscles without making something that then has to be justified. Plus there is some basic joy that can sometimes be tapped into through dancing or singing or drawing.
Sort of related to this, I've been wondering how much suffering is embedded and integral to the art-making process in general, and mine in particular. (Suffering here, I'm thinking of as the narrative we pile on top of pain or discomfort to make it worse). You know that creative cycle that people talk about? This one?
- This is awesome
- This is tricky
- This is shit
- I am shit
- This might be ok
- This is awesome
(I don't know where this originated, but it's apt.)
Are steps 3 and 4 integral and necessary? Maybe it's just step 4 that's really problematic. I'd like to skip that part in my next big project. What are the chances?
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